do you ever feel like you are holding disaster off with your pinky finger?

its so close to attcking and all you can do is close your eyes and stick your finger out because every other limb, hand, foot, finger and toe is busy taking care of all the other things swirling around?

all it takes is a snap and everything you want will come crashing down around you. and then you are left missing a finger and a huge mess to clean up.

i do.

and as luck would have it, the reason i only have one finger left is because my good ol' car, the one i knew wouldn't last more than a year anyway, is now on its way out the door. months ahead of schedule.

and all the other pieces of life that i need to just balance out and take care of themselves are now acting like little boy. fussy, drooly and congested. life must be trying to get some teeth out too cause it's being really annoying.

i know things are going to work out. i know they will. and the temple worker last night gave a beautiful prayer that i think was just for me and husband. he addressed almost all of our concerns. heavenly father loves us, he just wants us to be grown ups now and figure it out.

i'm sure it will work. it always has so far. keep your fingers (if have any extra) crossed for us!

dear gmail:

you make me angry. due to your inability to promptly deliver URGENT messages with TIME SENSITIVE information in them, i missed out on the opportunity to have an interview today. thanks for nothing. if you messed this up for me i do not think that we can ever be friends again. ever. 


dear husband:

thank you for helping me write a killer letter of explanation and apology to mr. rigby. hopefully he will understand the mistake that took place and give me a second chance. thanks for being patient with me. i love you.

so here's the scoop. you know how i told you about my application i sent in? well i was expecting to hear back from the guy pretty soon so i regularly check my email to see if mr boss man has responded yet. nothing. nothing yesterday and nothing today (at least the multiple times i checked today before i went into work at 4:30)

so i get home this evening and i check my email and what do i see? i response from mr boss man. YAY! he wants to set up an interview! double yay!!! but here's the kick in the face part:

I have openings at the following times: 4/23 –10:00, 10:30, 11:00, 11:30, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30, 4:00

waaa? come again? its 11:30 at night on 4/23! where was this email on 4/20 like my stupid email says it was recieved? (which is impossible by the way because i hadn't even sent him my application back, which he thanked me for sending to him...) so stress quickly follows. luckily husband is pretty great and wrote a letter for me explaining what happened. good thing he was there... i probably would have just started crying if he hadn't been.

shoot dang.

i feel sick to my stomach now. i sure as crap hope this works out. i might cry if it doesn't.

overwhelmingly blah.

why is it whenever i think about that one thing i can't help but get so irritated.

why is it apparently sticking around.

why is it that these football game situations keep happening.

that when ever i try i feel like i get burned

should i just stop trying?? or keep at it.

what the heck.

Dear Bed Bath & Beyond

I hate you. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise. The only problem is that you cause me MASSIVE amounts of anxiety everytime I walk through your doors. Your overly priced appliances and seemingly useless gadgets cause my lungs to cease all functions. The number of colors you offer, while vast, cause my brain to FREAK OUT. Don't worry, I'm not writing this letter to break up with you, I just want you to know that the next time that I enter your doors, it is because I have some money to use at your location, not because I like you. I won't shun you or reject you (entirely) just don't expect me to like you any time soon.

Sincerely,
Emily

i can't swallow!

and it hurts to hold my head up-right! oh no! i can't be getting sick now! what do i do?!?!

one month to go

So I'm sitting here, thinking about all the things that need to happen... the first being getting a job and I'm hoping that my phone will ring and be an employer asking me to come in for an interview when suddenly, my phone does ring! And to make things even better the number comes up as being restricted!!!

sweet.

So I answer it and who, to my dismay, do I hear on the other end? My cooky but lovable grandpa oh so kindly reminding me that in exactly one month from now my "freedom" as he puts it will be gone.

sigh.

what a let down. so i continue on in my blog-stalking and my internet surfing and my phone rings AGAIN!!! So i answer the phone to hear some lady from the credit union returning my call about student loans and repayments.

double sigh.

so now not only do i not have a job but i have to worry about repaying my student loan with the money that i'm not making! isn't life fun sometime?!

so i decided that i would write about how me and darrell met.... cause it makes me laugh a little and i honestly think that tyler is the only one that actually knows the story!

so my friend kyle and my best friend pyper tried to convince me that i should go on a date with this guy that kyle served his on his mission with. i was never actually opposed to it but never heard from said guy. all fall semester i was desperately wanting someone to go on a date with beause i really just wanted to make some friends. one day during class, i texted this to kyle and he asked if it would be okay if he gave my number to his friend tyler. i said of course it would be okay. and the phone call never came. i didn't really think about it. so i spent the semester playing with my friend whitney having grand adventures and super much fun. so much fun in fact that i started going with her to ward activities. secretly in the hopes that i would run into tyler who just happened to live in the same building as whitney and so was in the same ward. well, i never saw tyler. but met some interesting people.

over christmas break me and pyper decided to have a game night and kyle invited tyler to come along so i finally was able to do something with him. it was nothing special but we all got to play together. then he started texting me while i was visiting family in idaho. this looked like a good sign to me so we decided that once we were both back up in logan that we would definitely to something.

so spring semester started and we never quite did anything until one saturday at the end of january. i had gone with my roommate and her boyfriend to some hot springs and was on my way home when i got a text from tyler asking me if i wanted to do something that night. i said yes and he asked if he could bring some of his "guy buddies" with him. i said yes of course and hurried and got myself all cutesied up. tyler got to my apartment with this other guy who was definietly taller than him and who was also wearing lots of clothes with bands on them. his name was darrell. well we all had a good time hanging out, getting cheese fries and watching a movie and i figured that hanging out with them again would be super fun.

so the next tuesday i finally decided to try and take the city bus to school. i had never done it before but it was really cold and i didn't want to walk up the hill that day. so i walk over to the bus stop and apparently everyone else had the same idea because the bus didn't even stop!!! so i walked up to the stadium to the next bus stop. so i'm standing there and i see this familiar face, its darrell!!! so i say hi and we chat awkwardly for a bit and then the bus comes and we sit together on the bus and continue to chat awkwardly about things like why buses don't have seat belts and other nonsense and then i ask if he is going to the basketball game on thursday and he said yes so i asked him if he would call me cause i really wanted to go and he again said yes. and then. and then. and then I GAVE HIM MY NUMBER. not because he asked, or anything, i said okay, HERE IS MY NUMBER. i never ever ever do things like that.

so i didn't see him again but i added him on facebook... like any normal girl would do... and almost forgot about it. thursday rolled around and he popped up on facebook chat and asked me if i was still wanting to go to the game. i said of course and he said that he was going up an hour early and i said that i would meet him there but he told me that he was walking right past my apartment so he would just pick me up. so he did and we sat together in the spectrum awkwardly making conversation once again for an hour. which i didn't mind because by now i was starting to develop a crush on this awkwardly quiet boy who was so funny.

after the game tyler, darrell, nick and i decided that we wanted to get ice cream cones from maceys so we took a "short cut" that nick knew (not really short at all) and off we went. somehow i convinced darrell to skip through the parking lot with me and we all decided that we should watch baby mamma together. so we headed back towards our apartments and instead of getting a movie, tyler dropped darrell off at his apartment. and then dropped me off. cool, whatever, movie another night. so i get online and darrell starts talking to me on facebook and says "so i thought we were going to watch a movie and then i got dropped off" and we talk for a minute and finally decide to watch a movie together... mean girls... and darrell comes over.

so we sit there on the couch watching the movie and ever so slowly i feel both of us scooting closer and closer together. then his hand is almost touching my leg but not quite and my hand is kind of just sitting right next to his. for an agonizingly long ten minutes. i finally grabbed his hand in mine and we happily watched the rest of the movie. the movie ended and we continued sitting on the couch talking. somehow around the two am mark i was leaning on him, still talking and i looked up at him and decided that he would be fun to kiss. so i did. and then we kissed again... and again... and possibly again. but then we realized that it was ridiculously late and he never mentioned to me that he had a test in the morning so away he went and i stayed behind twitterpated and hoping that i would still see him.

i did. the next day and almost every single day after that. isn't life great?

dear mr man

i love you, and i'm not even upset that you were too scared to hold my hand of kiss me... things turned out great anyway. will you marry me?

love me

sick of it...

so tonight i decided to leave darrell's apartment a little earlier than usual so that he could get some sleep since we never get as much sleep as we should. by we i guess i really mean just him since i still don't have a freaking job (!!!!!!!) and he is starting to get very tired from lack of sleep. so anyway, i'm sitting on my bed minding my own business and i get a text from him saying:

him: um we should get married... I've decided i hate laying in bed alone...

yup. that was totally un-provoked. and i thought it was absolutely adorable since its true. and it made me think of all the things that i am excited to change.

1: i am so excited not to live with a bunch of girls. i hate girls. and i have weird roommates right now.
2: i am excited to sleep. i don't go to bed at regular hours mostly becuase saying goodnight totally blows!!!!!!!!!
3: i can not not not wait to sleep on the bed that mr man owns. it is probably one of the most comfortable sleeping devices i have ever seen/felt/lusted after.
4: i am so ready to be done with the singles ward. i hate it. i hate watching the awkward wierd interactions that the poor youth of the church go through. any young adult who is over 20 who doesn't understand that they are expected to look for their eternal spouse is so dumb!!!! we get it. it does not have to be the topic of every. single. lesson. drop it.
5: i am excited to interact with other married people who aren't super weird about hanging out with me because i'm soon to be married.
6: i'm tired of being excluded from the singles group of people becuase i'm not really single, but i'm not married so i don't fit in that category either.
7: and mostly i'm so excited to be married to my very best friend. he is great and i love him!!!!!

34 days!!!!